Absolutely Fresh Seafood

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Absolutely Fresh Seafood Market Specials:

LABOR DAY SPECIALS:

Blue Marlin 9.95/lb

Fantastic on the Grill - cooks up firm, and snow white.

Fresh Blue Marlin from Costa Rica 9.95/lb

Seared or on the grill; nice, clean taste and meaty texture.

Fresh Tilapia 7.95/lb If you want the smoky flavor of your grill, just spray Pam on some aluminum foil, season the tilapia, and cover.

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Check us out at (or to subscribe to this so-called newsletter):

http://www.absolutelyfresh.com/

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From Chef Jon Dye:

Thanks to all for the support, patronage and just good vibes regarding Bailey's. Last Friday's glowing review in the World Herald really rocked our world.

Your patience and comments are taken to heart here at Bailey's. While we cannot accommodate each and every wish, you never know when one of your excellent suggestions will make it to a future menu.

And have you tried our Rio Chicken Salad? Scrumptious!

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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the

following:

Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"  Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany .  Why must I speak English?"  Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):

"Because you lost the bloody war!"

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A blonde goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet.

Looks around the store, she notices a box full of frogs that reads:
"Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."

The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching.
She whispers softly to the sales clerk, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her,
"Just follow the instructions."

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, opens the package and reads
the instructions. She does what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splashes on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed; place the frog beside you.  The frog will do what he has been trained to do.

She quickly gets into bed with the frog and nothing happens.

The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the
paper, "If you have any problems, please call the pet store."

So, the blonde calls the pet shop.

The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according
to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."

The man picks up the frog, looks into its eyes and says very sternly:
"Look, I'm going to show you how one more time!"

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Thank you for spending your hard earned money at your locally owned fish markets and restaurants!

-- Greg

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Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody
move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Absolutely Fresh Seafood Markets
Downtown: 18th & Leavenworth, 345-5057, Mon-Sat 9-6

West: 119th & Pacific, 827-4376, Mon-Sat 9-7:30, Sun 11-6
Shucks Fish House & Oyster Bar: Monday - Thursday 11 - 9, Fri, Sat 11-10, Sun 2-8

Bailey's: Monday - Friday 6:30- 2, Saturday & Sunday 8 - 2

West Store - SEAFOOD MARKET IS OPEN UNTIL 7:30 PM MON - SAT!! And now open until 6:00 on Sunday.

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TRIP TO WAL-MART

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

In your 90's:

Stop what you are doing.

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Shucks Nights:

Sunday -- Beer Buckets (remember, we're open 2:00 - 8:00 now on Sundays!)

Monday - Crabby Mondays

Tuesday - Wine Night = $4 glass of excellent wines

Wednesday - Oysters on special all day

Thursday - Chilean Sea Bass; great fish at a great price -- $16.95, with rice & veg

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A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady Cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open. Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He Zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."  He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.

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When you retire:

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

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ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL???

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

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