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Absolutely Fresh Quality Meats at our West Market!
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WEST STORE ONLY: Quality Meats!
Gourmet Steaks, Lamb & more! Believe it or NOT.
Geoff Hammond, manager of our West Seafood Market, was formerly manager and co-owner of Stoysich House of Sausage, and is a native of O'Neill, NE.
Check out the listing at bottom of this email.
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Chef Jon sez: try Bailey's Soup de Jour. Today and tomorrow (Fri/Sat), featuring
Potato Ham & Cheese Soup (with 4-year-old Cheddar and a little Fontina).
Plus, Char Grilled New York Steak Sandwich, with Brandy Sauce.
It's always a good day for Bailey's Soup & ½ Sandwich!
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Gift Cards - if you get ‘em at Bailey's, Shucks, or either Absolutely Fresh Seafood Market, the cool thing is they are redeemable at all four locations! Available in any denomination. Well, maybe let's limit them to ten grand. Apiece.
Thanks for coming in and making this fun every day.
--Greg
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Why We Love Children!
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, " Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. " My mom can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
9) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won 't let me talk!"
10) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear? " With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
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ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
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Chef Claude asks: are you going to a party? Take a pound of cocktail crab claws with a half pint of World Famous AFS Cocktail Sauce. Both for $12.00 !!!
Norpro !!! We have some awesome butter warmers coming for stocking warmers and other stuffers for friends and family.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.
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There were five country churches in a small TEXAS town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic CHURCH came up with the best and most effective solution.
They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
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Christmas Tequila Cookies:
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup (two sticks) butter
1 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit (dried cranberries or raisins)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)
First, sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the Cuervo to be sure It is of the highest quality. Pour another 4 ounces in a measuring cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of the butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK. Try another 4 ounces, just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, picking the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through t he window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Cherry Mistmas
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Absolutely Fresh Seafood Markets
Downtown: 18th & Leavenworth, 345-5057, Mon-Sat 9-6
West: one block south of 119th & Pacific, 827-4376, Mon-Sat 9-7:30, Sun 11-6
Shucks Fish House & Oyster Bar (within the Seafood Market): Monday - Thursday 11 - 9, Fri, Sat 11-10, Sun 2-8 (827-4376)
Bailey's (1259 S 120th St - next to Bronco's): SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, open 7 - 2. 932-5577
West Store - SEAFOOD MARKET IS OPEN UNTIL 7:30 PM MON - SAT!! And now open until 6:00 on Sunday.
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[true fish facts:]
More Fish Offered to Breastfeeding Moms and Babies in WIC Program
Seafood Choices and Amount Expanded to be Consistent with Science
Press Release
A new ruling from the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) encourages breastfeeding moms to increase consumption of a variety of fish. The change - in an effort to align Women, Infants and Children (WIC) food packages for breastfeeding women with the Dietary Guidelines for Americans and current infant feeding practice guidelines of the American Academy of Pediatrics - increases the monthly amount of fish available to 30 ounces of a variety of canned fish including light tuna, salmon, sardines and mackerel according to USDA.
Because seafood contributes to optimal health and development of adults and children, the federal government urges women who are pregnant, planning to become pregnant or nursing to choose 12 ounces (two to four servings) a week of a variety of seafood. The only four fish this special group is recommended to eliminate are shark, tilefish, swordfish and king mackerel, which are rarely eaten or available in the U.S.
"When nursing moms eat seafood, its important nutrients - like brain-boosting omega-3 fatty acids - are passed along to their growing babies" said Jennifer Wilmes, registered dietitian with the National Fisheries Institute (NFI). "The new USDA ruling makes an important step toward increasing access to canned fish - an effortless, healthy and affordable choice for new moms."
Due in part to confusion and misinformation about this advice, surveys indicate that most consumers do not eat as much seafood as is recommended by health experts. Less than one percent of pregnant women and four percent of non-pregnant women eat fish at least twice per week.
"The health benefits of fish consumption and a balanced diet during pregnancy and breastfeeding have been firmly established by science," said NFI president John Connelly, "and now public policy is beginning to echo that science."
In addition to increasing the amount and variety of fish available to nursing mothers in the WIC program, USDA added other healthful foods such as canned, fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables and canned beans and peas to packages.
http://www.aboutseafood.com/media/press_release_detail~id~136.cfv
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Shucks Daily Specials:
Sunday -- Beer Buckets and "Sunday Family Fish & Fries" open 2:00 - 8:00 pm
Monday - Crabby Mondays - after 5:00 pm King Crab Legs, Snow Crab Legs
Tuesday - Wine Night = $4 glass of excellent wines
Wednesday - Oysters on special all day
Thursday --Baja Fish Tacos - crispy chunks of fresh fish in a tortilla, with our fresh salsa and a side of rice; 2 for 7.95.
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Holidays are upon us! Remember: Absolutely Fresh Seafood Markets have the
#1 Rated Party Platters in Nebraska - 20 years running!
And I'll tell you why people like ours the best; we are the only folks actually cooking the shrimp, and smoking the salmon. That's why you keep on buying our fresh-cooked shrimp and salmon all year long out of our case.
So remember that we've got the really good goods; whether you plan to make your arrangement at home, or have us do it for you on our platters. With our home made cocktail sauce and dill sauce, you will be the HIT of your get-togethers.
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Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC
wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?"
Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
"If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ."
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
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You asked for it and Geoff has brought it!
(Geoff Hammond, former manager/owner of Stoysich, and now Manager of AFS West Seafood Market)
Many varieties of fresh frozen AGED MEATS
Absolutely Fresh Quality Meats
Featuring lamb and veal exclusively from the United States
and top quality beef from Nebraska
Summit County Lamb
Minimally processed and from a co-op of farmers in and around Hamburg Iowa.
Guaranteed to be the best you have ever eaten. Served at many of Omaha's top restaurants.
Rack of lamb: Chine bone off and fat cap on. Average weight 2 pounds
Semi Boneless leg of lamb: Netted and ready to cook.
Lamb Loin Chops: Cut 1 inch thick then trimmed to be oven ready.
Lamb shanks: If you don't know what to do with this piece of lamb then ask Geoff. It will make your tongue slap slap you because it is just that good!
Ground lamb: Have you ever tried a Lamb-Burger?
Provini Veal
America's premier provider of veal to the gourmet meat industry. Wisconsin operated and incomparable.
Featured by many of the country's top restaurants and gourmet meat markets.
NO PRESERVATIVES or HORMONES
Veal Rack Chops: Maybe the tastiest cut and even fork tender.
OSSO BUCCO: Once again, if you don't know, just ask Geoff.
Ground Veal: Great for low fat cooking.
Nebraska BEEF
It doesn't get any better. Served at many of the great "local" Steak Houses.
All PRIME cuts aged at least 28 days before we package it.
Bone-in Filet Mignons, Porterhouse Steaks (T-Bone with attitude) and many other varieties still to come!!!!
Special orders taken. Need a quality cut, and don't know where to go? let us know
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Stop in at either fish market: 18th & Leavenworth 345-5057, plus 119th & Pacific 827-4376.
Also, we'd love to see you at both of our restaurants: Shucks (inside the west Omaha fish market) 827-4376
and Bailey's Breakfast & Lunch; next to Bronco's, 120th & Pacific 932-5577.
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